I remember being asked this question by one of my professors in college. She gave us an assignment on how we defined happiness. I’m not sure how long I pondered on the question. 

But I had an answer. At the time, it was raining. I was riding a pedicab, and it was flooding. I thought, fuck this couldn’t get any worse! But, I saw my crush holding an umbrella. I thought that was happiness to me. Because I think it was such a shitty day that by seeing him, I was happy.

Fuck, that was gross. Hahaha.

Now, if you ask me this very question, I won’t have a definite or concrete answer. Because I’m not sure what it truly is to me.

I admit having an ounce of happiness is foreign to me.

I’m on the team that if you experience even an iota of happiness, something is bound to turn it around. Aka, something bad is gonna happen after.

I can’t tell you the reason why I feel this way because it’s too personal, but my close friends do know though haha.

However, I’ve come to learn to accept whatever happiness comes my way. Whether it’s through friendship, family, material objects that I will eventually lose or throw away, events… I’m going to give myself that happiness I’ve denied myself. Wow, that’s way too many myself[s] in one sentence. Hahaha.

Happiness is a normal emotion to experience, and I need it in my life. Once in a while.

Anyway, I’m still reflecting on my actual definition of happiness. But, if I were to find a closer definition to what I believe happiness is, here’s my answer:

So, let me ask you, what is happiness?

P.S. Since the caption for the featured image doesn’t show up, I’ll just say it here.

Spectrum IV by Ellsworth Kelly. MOMA.