Before I say anything, yes, I’m really fine. I’m okay.

I’m getting used to my semi-solitude (LOL is that even a thing HAHA) and learning what I can do for myself to make every single day livable.

I think the reason I prefer binge-watching TV shows or doomscrolling (which is counterintuitive to what I’m escaping from LOL) is because I’m frustrated with the state of the country and the world. One thing I can share is the job market, which is just… horrible. I’m still manifesting my dream job. But it’s getting tiring. To clarify though, I’m just looking for an extra part-time work on top of two other jobs.

I’d rather not go into the details of what’s going on in my country (at least to those who don’t know where I live haha). However, there’s also the world, which I’d rather not go into either. Because as I reflect on what’s going on, it’s just sad.

I know, I know, one remedy to this problem is to avoid social media. 

I’ve sworn off Instagram, save for liking some posts. However, I can’t seem to get rid of my Twitter (yes, I still call it that, f anyone who calls it by its new name). I like knowing stuff or liking relatable tweets. I’ve done a social media purge like nine or ten years ago because of work. I eventually went back when things went to shit hahaha. 

Now that I think about it, I think it would be a good idea to let go of Twitter (at least one of my Twitter accounts HAHAHA, I kinda need the private one for thoughts, or maybe I can use another way to share my thoughts so that I don’t get obsessed with Twitter).

Then, there’s also Reddit, where it gamifies every visit and interaction you make. I’m about to reach _00 days HAHAHA (I would rather not reveal how many days I would like to get a badge for). I’d rather not let that go.

Clearly, my new update is *blows raspberry*.

Living right now is challenging, and what I’m doing now is surviving as best as I can. Honestly, it hinders my journey to finding my flourish. Instead of wanting to take longer breaks and sleep, I sometimes want to dedicate time to learning things. I know a change in mindset is a fix to this and a little bit of discipline. I know I’ll get there eventually. 

It just feels shitty sometimes. I remind myself to be grateful (which I forget MOST of the time, the fuck, self) and know that there’s a plan for me. Sometimes, on challenging days, such as these, it can be difficult, and I tend to hide like a crab (ehe, a reference to my Cancer moon). Eventually, I’ll find my rhythm again and learn how to live without feeling like crap.

Maybe I might need a good fckn sob to “recalibrate”.

But seriously, I’m fine. Weirdly enough, I’m fine.