I will never forget what my former co-worker said about somebody forgetting something so important to you. He said (not in verbatim and not in English, which i just translated), “you’re not important to them.”

That hit me hard. I think because of that I cried the same night when a couple of people forgot something about me.

It’s funny, really, just realizing as I write this is how much I want people to remember me. Or wait, the better term is to be more considerate of me, as much as I try to be considerate of others. And I think there’s some form of unaddressed narcissism in there.

Before I get to my point or where I am with this wound, I think there’s one more related thing to share about this.

During my K-Pop phase days, my contribution to the fandom was to write mediocre fics mostly about two dudes from one K-Pop group. I will not name who they are and what group they are/were from. 

I got so inspired by their interactions that I wrote about them in various scenarios and published some of my fics. Some of them got so many likes, kudos, or comments that it fueled me to write more. By writing more, I get some recognition. And for a minute there, I liked it. I liked the idea that people, despite my writing, would enjoy (or cry) depending on what the fic was about. I got more friends in the fandom because of that, and I was happy to have found some form of community.

Eventually, real life got in the way, and I had to prioritize that over fandom stuff. A year later, when I had some room to come back to the fandom, I noticed that people from the fandom were fawning over a new writer. She was a good writer and wrote engaging fics. Honestly, that broke me. It felt like someone took over and no one engaged in my work anymore.

It’s a good thing though that I’m way past this because this was a challenging phase in my life. I had to let go of things out of my control. And I’m super glad that time helped me get through this.

But let’s go back to the wound.

I’ve been carrying this wound for so long (a callback to this blog here), and I think it’s time to address it instead of wallowing in grief or misery. It hinders my progress in my journey. As I look at this in my lens, people still forget me at times. Forget to invite me to things. Forget that I exist. Honestly, it’s a terrible feeling. It hurts. And it’s okay that I acknowledge that.

As I was ideating this blog in the shower, I told myself I needed to include this (and if you’re a 90s kid like me, you’d know this reference)

It’s okay to feel hurt, to feel lost, to feel left out in the dark.

It made me laugh hahaha.

Anyway, going back. 

I think I need to remind myself as well that it’s okay to sort of insert yourself in situations where you might take an interest in. For example, my therapist has reminded me previously that if there are people that forget to invite you, I could just tell people to invite me next time to things. What’s better is that you can also do things on your own, too! You don’t have to wait for invitations or greetings or anything like that. Honestly, just do it. You don’t have to wait. 

It’s Not All About Me

Let’s face it; in some ways, we are the main characters in our lives. However, I think the one thing I need to remember is that you may not be the main character in someone else’s life. And that’s okay. I have to remind myself that people go through things. People forget things about you. People aren’t built like you sometimes. And you just have to let it go. Of course, feel it, see how it makes you feel, and let it go (which is something I try to actively NOT do sometimes HAHAHA).

I think what’s important here is to focus on yourself and continue to improve on yourself. I’m currently watching Wonder Man, and a line from episode six. It was Ben Kingsley’s Trevor Slattery’s line that struck me.

“The real you– it’s the sum of everything you’ve experienced. The loss, the joy. Sadness, heartbreak. Losing someone you love so much. Wanting something so badly, you could burst. Hurting someone you care about. Being hurt by those you love.”

While that may be true, I think you are also the sum of the good things in your life, too, which I think he forgot to list.

It’s spending time with ones you love

It’s appreciating the little joys

It’s the wins that you get from overcoming difficult challenges

It’s the smiles and laughter that you bring to others

And it’s also love that you have and give and receive and share (for those who get the reference, I love you haha)

Anyway, I wanted to end this on a more positive note, really. I hate being miserable and I don’t like that vibe right now.

‘Till next time!

Featured Image Credit: Paola Chaaya from Unsplash