“Do what you love, and you’ll never have to work a day in your life.”

I’m angry at the fuckface that said these words.

I lived by this “adage” when I graduated from college, since my late grandmother said something similar to this. I don’t fault her for saying it, though. I partly understand where she’s coming from because she’s from a different generation. Things back then were much simpler. If you love doing something, pursue it. It’s that easy, then, I’m sure.

But as a fresh graduate in the early 2010s, it wasn’t so easy to “do what you love”.

You want to do something adjacent to what you love.

Even then, I love writing.

I know my writing isn’t perfect. It’s not grammatically correct for word processors, grammar checkers, or grammar experts most of the time. But, despite my limitations, I still loved doing it. I still do.

My Start as a Writer

I love writing fan fiction. I’m not ashamed to say it.

I started writing fan fiction when I was 12 because of a certain show. I’m not going to tell you, haha.

I realized just now, as I was writing this, that I have such a vivid imagination. Back then, I imagined my OTP in various scenarios where they’re always lovey-dovey and happy and whatnot. It continues to this day.

I think that was when I knew I wanted to write, but I was certain then I wasn’t going to write a book. I knew I wanted to get published. Get my work read by like-minded people.

When I was 12, I didn’t really think of those then. All I wanted was to publish my work and get some praise via the comments. LOL. It was during my K-pop phase, around 5 to 10 years later, that I wanted my work to be read and get praise. LOL.

Anyway, I knew one thing was clear: writing was my outlet.

It was my way to get my thoughts out or share what my imagination had come up with the night, a week, or months before. And when I graduated from college, I believed that I could start a career in writing.

My young and naive self believed it would be easy to land a writing job. I didn’t know, though, that it was difficult to get a writing job since it wasn’t in high demand back in the early 2010s. Or, perhaps, I wasn’t using the right keywords to apply for the jobs I wanted.

Months after graduation, I still couldn’t land a job. It was also partly due to my ineptness with applying for work. I was terrible at interviews. I know I’ve improved over the years. But yeah, back then, I was shit. LOL.

I’m not sure what my process was or how I accepted that I won’t be writing anything when I finally bagged my first job. I suppose my thought process was, “I was jealous of my friends getting jobs, so I’d settle for anything.”

I lasted six months on my first job and was jobless for a year and a half. I don’t consider this as my first official writing job since I was an executive assistant. But I did land an online job a year and six months later to work for an Australian researcher to help with their journal article. I did this for almost two years, but was unfortunately laid off.

After another year or so, I finally got the opportunity to “flex” my writing skills.

I worked briefly for a US client to write for their company. It lasted around six months because I wasn’t happy with the niche. Then, I worked with the so-called team leader of the job with the Australian researcher. I wrote papers for students. LOL. I think I resigned eventually since I managed to find work where I can write but do other tasks, too. This is the community director’s job. I’d rather not elaborate on what I did here.

Right now, you might be thinking, girl, what’s the point of all this?

Don’t worry, it’s coming.

I Officially Become an Actual Content Writer

Things will change in 2019.

I worked for two years for the community director job and got laid off again. I was lucky enough to find a project manager role (not software development) for an HK agency. I was writing, but it wasn’t what I expected. I knew I wanted to write something else.

I applied for this company in 2019 and submitted my test writing. I did my research for the company since it involved me writing about what industries the niche could still tap into or what organizations it can still reach. Anyway, I wrote my ass off, and after one follow-up.

I frickin’ got the job!

I’d rather not provide further details of my content writing work here, but for those who know, I think you know what I’m talking about. Let’s just say that I was happy to write.

It was the first time I realized I could write for a living. I didn’t have to write a book. All I had to do was write about the company’s services by educating and promoting them on their blog. In a way, I found purpose. Or at least a semblance of it.

It felt right to write for the company. I think it was because I wasn’t familiar with the niche. I challenged myself to write, and it paid off. It truly did. 

I had blogs in the number one spots. Plus, I rose the so-called corporate ladder. And I get to write for a living. That’s all I wanted.

Like I said, a semblance of purpose.

I wrote about this job in my blog post last year, where I celebrated five years of working for them. I’m not looking at the blog post because I want to surprise myself. LOL. But let’s say here that I’m here to celebrate that milestone because I didn’t believe I would be working for a company for a year, let alone five years.

All Good Things Must Come to An End

Sadly, despite celebrating five good years with the company, I decided to say goodbye.

I’d rather not say much, but the long and short of it was, I felt tired and burnt out. Plus, I knew it was time.

Also, I attributed my poor time management skills to my fatigue since I was also studying web development.

At this point in time, I wasn’t happy with what I was writing anymore.

I think I reached a point where I know a subject so well that writing about it repeatedly made me feel like a robot. And it made me sad thinking about this. Because my career revolved around writing. And if I didn’t have the heart to write anymore, then what can I do?

I’ve come to realize that I don’t need to write for my career. I could keep it as a hobby. Something that I don’t do for a living. Something that I want to love again.

There’s this one scene in this episode in The Bear season 4 about loving something and eventually being okay with not loving it anymore. It goes:

You found something that you love. And it’s completely 100% okay if you don’t love it anymore. Because the most special part about it is that you are capable of that love.

I refuse to let go of my writing. It’s an identifier I have for myself: a writer. Sure, I can be many things. But I’m proud of being a writer even if I’m flawed.

Final Thoughts

I started this blog for a reason. 

I knew that one day I’ll be writing more for this blog than for my actual work (that is, of course, if I write monthly consistently). And I’d like to keep it that way. 

As for fan fiction writing, I got there eventually. I wrote a few drabbles for my new OTP LOL. And I’m in the process of wanting to write a chaptered story, which is my weakness. I think I’d like to challenge myself in that regard.

Well, whatever happens, I think it’s healthier for me to write as a passion and a hobby. Not something I would use for my career anymore. I can make some exceptions for some clients, depending on what the requirements are. I’ve accepted that fact, and that’s okay. I know I can do other things to earn a living. 

Right now, I’m happy where I’m at with my writing. I plan on dedicating time to write each week to practice the craft. For now, I’m slowly in the getting-to-know-myself and writing phase again. Eventually, I know that I would say “I love you” to my writing again and work hard never to lose The Spark.

Till next time, guys.

P.S. I will be publishing on Substack as well! Subscribe here! My first post will be out on August 16.

Edited: 8/8 15:10

Featured Image Credit: Samuel Regan Asante from Unsplash